dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
