I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
