you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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