I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
