I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
