How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
