U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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