Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
