His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
