you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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