Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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