My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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