Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
