god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
