FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
