What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
