so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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