Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
