i would punch a child for taco bell
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
