I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
