piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
