I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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