last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
