On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
