I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
