I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
