You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
