Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
