just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
