The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
