Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
