don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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