I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
