i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
