I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize