sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Panties = found
Randomize
