yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
not ubering you a puppy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
