Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
