I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize