You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
