dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
