Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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