never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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