wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
