I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I believe in your delicious
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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