I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
