Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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