I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
