I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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