I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
