I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
