I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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