you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
