Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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