guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize