so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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