I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
