I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
