Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
