Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
