Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
