totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
