An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
