just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
