My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
