woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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