just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
