Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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