i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
