they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize