So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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