I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The ass gains better be worth it
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