you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
