Got a toothbrush?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
