You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
