Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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