If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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