While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
