So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
