Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize