Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
